A slow news week, unless you happen to be the local Shoprite in Warri, Nigeria, which we’re glad we aren’t. That store, located in the ominously-named Delta City Mall, you see, fell victim to one of those periodic bouts of Nigerian excitability, with an invasion of youthful looters suspected to be from the Uvwie Local Government Area of Delta State. Uvwie is a town outside the city of Warri; it is one of the Kingdoms of the Urhobo and has a king, Ovie, who rules over the traditional institution of the town. But back to the looters: the scallywags made off with an estimated 20 million Naira’s worth of goods, or US$100,000 and some change, and only one was arrested. The fracas, if that’s the word, began when one Me Henry Baro, the suspended chairman of Uvwie Local Government Area of Delta State, allegedly had a disagreement with a naval rating at the shopping mall on Friday morning.

Comment: Riots stemming from angry words with sailors are just one of the hazards our intrepid retailers face when venturing beyond our borders. Still, you would have thought they could have seen it coming.

Last week, in a momentary lapse of our otherwise reliable predictive faculties, we breezily assured South African retailers that they had nothing to fear from Choppies, unless they were heading beyond our borders, where the Botswanan outfit is making quite a play. Oops, our bad. This week, a friend tells us, they have acquired 21 stores owned by Jwayelani, once a butcher and now a convenience chain, with locations in Durban, Pietermaritzburg, Pinetown, Empangeni, Estcourt, Umzinto and Flagstaff, the heartland of independent retail in The Beloved Country. This brings to a nice, round 60 the number of stores they have in-country. Add to that the 8,000m2 fruit and veg DC they opened in Randburg, and you’re starting to look at a fairly sizeable operation. The group plans to roll out another 35 stores this year for a total of 200 by December.

Comment: With the advantage of a stable and growing economy backing them up at home, Choppies may yet prove to be the fabled Seventh Retailer of which prophets have sung.

Brimstone Chair Fred Robertson (for it be he): Avast! Gather round, shipmates, and I’ll tell ye a tale which will shiver your timbers clean off of your ribs! ‘Twas in the year ‘16 when we set sale for far Australee, there to snatch up a 19.9% stake in Perth-based prawn and scallop business, Mareterram. Me old shipmates will recall that the SS Brimstone owns a 58% stake in Sea Harvest, and that was how we netted our stake in Mareterram. And just last year we took fish oil and fish meal specialist Daybrook Fisheries down Loosiana way, through our controlling interest in Oceana Brands. East, west, whichever way ye sail, the fisheries be ours.

Comment: With this latest acquisition, Brimstone’s holdings in the seafood industry are well and truly diversified.

The drought in the Northern Cape is taking a terrible toll on the meat industry, as a summer of limited planting and rising grain prices put the squeeze on farmers already at a loss as to how to keep their herds adequately watered. And natural grazing has also taken a hit, with months of growth lost through the dry summer and slim pickings threatening for winter. In desperation, many farmers are sending animals to slaughter before they are ready, so while there is no immediate shortage of meat, there may well be in six months’ time. Sadly, herd losses are worst in the emerging sector, which does not have the economies of scale available to larger scale commercial agriculture. Inevitably, the price of all this hardship will be passed on to the consumer.

Comment: One wonders whether our consumption of meat – so prolifically beyond the scope of our nutritional needs – is not something of a cult. Certainly its margins of sustainability are dangerously thin, where one season of drought can disrupt things so badly.

The Africa Growth and Opportunity Act (AGOA) is a trade deal between the USA and 39 sub-Sharan African countries. It eliminates import levies on more than 7,000 products and covers trade between South Africa and the US which was worth about R217bn last year. It really is a fantastically good thing and… what? Are you freaking kidding us? Oh great. It’s about to disappear , for us at least, in a puff of incompetence and garbled excuses, because, you see, we missed a December 31 deadline to resolve a dispute over the health issues of US imports. As one does. If one is drunk or stupid. So with the deadline missed, a first set of exclusions comes into play, with impacts on citrus, macadamia nuts, wine, canned food and avocados “to mention a few,” says the ever reassuring Trade and Industry Minister Rob Davies, whose fault this is. But not to worry, he says. We’ve been told that “we will still be able to continue with negotiations even after the whistle is blown” he says.

Comment: This is an own goal we managed to score with the same foot we had shot ourselves in. Nice one. But we have an idea! Let’s fire Rob Davies and replace him with David van Rooyen.

Cheeky work from those naughty little scamps at BAT, who have managed in the UK to get a drug licence for their e-Voke vape cigarette, which may now be prescribed by the NHS as a quit-smoking aid. Meanwhile, over in the US, the tobacco giants are not only buying up top vape makers, they’re also looking to muscle in on the rapidly legalising marijuana market. Now if you don’t mind, we’re going to pop outside for a puff of the strictly medicinal.

Bob Martin, which makes those yeasty dog pills you may have tried, as we did, when you were four, then never again, are buying the Purina PetCare business from Nestlé. Good boy!