Sometimes, the story is the story. In this case, it’s a breathless little report by Reuters on the new Massmart CFO, Johannes van Lierop – ex of Bharti Airtel Africa - who replaces Ilan Zwarenstein. The move has been on the cards since August, but Reuters are getting all hot under the collar about it, pointing out that it’s the third change in a year – after the resignation of Mark Lamberti as Chair and the ascension of Guy Hayward when young Mr Pattison left as CEO. Both of these moves, you may recall, were conducted smoothly, timeously, and with succession-planning in place that appeared to span the better part of a decade. Reuters then go on to tut about the difficulties Massmart might be having securing primo retail space elsewhere in Africa, as if this has any bearing, then mentions the stiff competition it faces back home “as it rolls out its grocery business to take on industry leaders Shoprite Holdings and Pick n Pay Stores”, as if that was news. 

Comment: No biggie then. But journalists do get paid by the word, and the rent has to come from somewhere.

Shoprite have taken their fight for your right to pick up a bottle of Robertson’s Chardonnay to go with the yellow tail to the Constitutional Court, arguing there that the ban on grocery retailers in the Eastern Cape from selling wine alongside groceries is an “arbitrary deprivation of property”. The closure of table wine sections in 27of its stores will, claims the Big Red One, lose them about R40million in sales every year. The “property”, however, is not the cash in this case, but the licences themselves, which lapsed in 2013 when the window period of 10 years stipulated in the 2003 Eastern Cape Liquor Act had run its course. Senior Counsel for Shoprite, Jeremy Gauntlett, taking a leaf from the Whitey Basson playbook, avers that "It’s not ground rhino horn that (his) clients are trying to sell next to the muesli." This in response to the Eastern Cape’s contention that alcohol is a an “addictive psychoactive drug” to the regulation of which special consideration should be given. 

Comment: R40 bar, while not exactly chump changes, wouldn’t put a dent in Shoprite. But a ruling like this could prove to be the thin edge of the wedge, which is probably why they’ve gone constitutional here.

It’s not just shoppers who are jumping aboard Pick n Pay’s popular Smart Shopper loyalty programme. Other corporates are getting pretty excited about it, too. Like Momentum for example, who are offering members of their own wellness and rewards programme, Multiply, the opportunity of increasing their Smart Shopper Points by as much as ten times (although in fairness, bronze members only getting to double theirs), always assuming that they are in fact Smart Shopper members. As far as we can tell, this would mean that as a Multiply member you can choose to multiply your Smart Shopper points as a reward, rather than choosing a news skottel braai, say, or a weekend in White River. Momentum gets to offer a popular reward (which just like any other they have obtained at a sizeable discount); PnP gets new Smart Shopper members via Momentum plus any purchases additional to their Smart Shopper buys that that they might make; the punter gets to feel happy and rewarded. Everybody wins. 

Comment: Which is nice.

Anglovaal Industries Limited (how we love that venerable name, imagining it spoken in the gravelly tones of one enjoying a brandy and a Mills Special Plain at the Rand Club) has now released its interims, and pretty solid they are, too. Revenue up 11.1% to R6 billion, and operating profit up 13% to R1.5 billion. The big news was that operating profit in the foods division grew 18.5%, with I&J growing at 32%, Entyce over 20% and Snackworx 14%. Fashion was not all that great, growing profit just 4.6%, with A&D Spitz outperforming Green Cross quite substantially, leaving us still scratching our heads as to the thinking there. The punters would have been happy though, receiving a dividend increase of 10% to 132c and a special dividend of 200c, in keeping with AVI’s policy of spreading the cheer when things are cheerful. 

Comment: Much obliged, boss.

SABMiller, a brewing company, intends to grow revenue by more than 10% in Africa over the next three to five years, while increasing its volume sales in the mid-single digits. While almost a third of SAB’s profits come from the thirsty continent, pundits believe there is room for more: Africans drink just nine litres of the ambrosial stuff every year, lagging their European counterparts by a whopping 36 litres. It takes an African, you see, eight hours to earn the price of a beer, something a European can accomplish in just eight minutes. This gap should narrow, SAB contends, when Africans become more affluent, as we appear, patchily, to be doing. Part of the challenge for the Big Feller in Africa are homebrews, with which it must compete by keeping prices assiduously down. That and investing in capacity: a $100million expansion project is underway in Ghana, joining the many millions already invested in Nigeria, Zambia and elsewhere. 

Comment: Still, with a 48% share of the market currently, SAB have much to congratulate themselves about.

Ratings crew Standard and Poor’s (S&P) have let it be known, in flaming letters 6 feet high we are given to understand, that South Africa has two years to get its act together, or it is grounded for life, young lady. Specifically, unless we address issues like our parlous economic growth, our big current-account deficit, high public-sector wages and the financing of Eskom and other state entities, we’ll be downgraded to “junk” status. Or rather, we won’t know if we do, if you catch our drift, putting a more positive spin on things. Currently, we’re a BBB-, to which lowly station they downgraded us last June, relenting a little in December by changing our outlook from “negative” to “stable”. S&P believe we’re on track for 2% economic growth, although further uselessness at Eskom and any more protracted industrial unrest could substantially reduce this. 

Comment: The cheek! The next time they pull a stunt like this, we’ll downgrade them from “ Standard” to “Poor”.

And in news of the other nail-biting high-level negotiations involving the Indispensable Nation™, South Africa and the US appear to be reaching some common ground on whether we will allow imports of chicken, beef and pork from the US. If we don’t, we could be shut out of the renewal of the AGOA accord, which gives duty-free access to the lucrative US market for almost all South African products and expires in September this year.

GlaxoSmithKline has announced that it will be selling off approximately half of its 12.4% stake in local outfit Aspen as part of its ongoing efforts to remodel the business and revive its flagging growth. So nothing personal, Aspen, it’s not you it’s us etc. It is rumoured that GlaxoSmithKline will be spending a portion of the $853m it will raise from the sale on some new punctuation for its corporate identity.