Until some smart-alec blogger proves that it was in fact only 37.5%, Woolies should be commended for cutting their energy use by 38% since 2004, during which time, it should be noted, they have grown turnover by 273%. All of this by the simple expedient of installing automated lighting in all of their stores. And savings to the tune of R270million have been achieved in the last four years alone – R222million by making its buildings energy efficient, R2million on water, R14million on a shift to electronic rather than paper customer accounts, R6million on recycled packaging – we could go on. It doesn’t stop even there: 3,000 tons per year of CO₂ are being saved through improved refrigeration technology on its trucks, and 15 of its stores now meet platinum green standards.

Comment: And all this without buying a single superannuated reactor from Vladimir Putin on the QT.

Property Owners themselves, who doubtless believe, belatedly it must be said, that the more and the merrier are broadly equivalent. Accordingly, they have made a complaint with the Competition Commission, urging an investigation into a practice they say is detrimental to the economy. Are the retailers having any of this? They are not, with Pick n Pay averring that nobody put a gun to the mall owners’ heads, well not to sign exclusivity clauses anyway. Win win win, says The Big Blue, with landlords enjoying the benefit of footfall attracted by an anchor tenant, punters benefiting from having shops to go to and the retailers? “Some measure of trade to justify their investment,” apparently. 

Comment: What we of the sixth form debate team call a straw man argument. Because of course, malls would benefit more from having two anchor tenants say, and punters from having two shops to go to.

Yes you, Rhodes. What’s all this? Fined R1.2million by the Competition Commission for colluding with your Western Cape-based competitor Langeberg & Ashton Foods, before your basher’s even broken in? Good heavens, man. You listed on the JSE only last week, with sales last year of an admittedly impressive R1.8billion. Don’t just stand there with a mouth full of gym socks! What do you have to say for yourself? Well yes, it was in 2009, when you were still a nipper. Boyish high spirits, I suppose. And the Commission tells me that no local businesses were affected, just those foreign johnnies. But still, fixing prices, dividing markets and collusively tendering with the other team on specific export markets is no laughing matter. Look just don’t do it again, alright? Carry on. 

Comment: It’s no wonder your listing fell flat on its spotty face, with shares selling for a rand less on opening day than at the IPO.

“Who?” you ask, and as is so often the case when you do, you’d be wrong. Libstar, you see is a large but unlisted producer of sundry comestibles and cleaning products, which it sells under its own brands – including Lancewood and Dickon Hall – and through private label production to the likes of McDonald’s, Woolworths, Shoprite, Pick n Pay, SPAR and Tiger Brands. And if you’re not taking them seriously, leading global investor The Abraaj Group is, snaffling up a majority shareholding in the business for an undisclosed sum from existing shareholders including Metier, Old Mutual Private Equity, Development Partners International and Lereko, inter alia. It’s Abraaj’s ambition to “help transform the company to become a truly pan-African leader in the food and retail services market,” apparently. 

Comment: And good luck to them. Exciting stuff.

Amid the bad news that has caught us backfooted and flailing of late comes this: according to the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation, world food prices are at a 15-year low, driven thence by bumper harvests and vast stockpiles, and marking the longest period of decline since you wore Doc Martens and patchouli. In September, prices fell again, for the sixth consecutive month, with sugar and dairy produce showing the biggest price drops, followed by cereals and oil. And before you get all Old Testament on us, warning of locusts and blight, this situation is good for another couple of years, with wheat production, just for example, heading for a new record in 2014. Overall, cereal production is expected to total 2.5 billion tons this year, an upward revision of 65 million tons from the initial FAO forecast in May.

Comment: Which suggests they have many, many economists working there.

In Namibia, the Big Red One is under threat from a nationwide strike by the members of the Namibia Commercial Catering Food and Allied Workers Union (NACCAFWU), who cite the retailer for a basket of alleged offences which include poor salaries, exploitation, unfair deductions and unfair labour practices. In response, Shoprite’s ever-classy Sarita van Wyk declined to comment on the specific allegations when emailed, writing that “Shoprite Namibia does not wish to conduct labour relations in the press, but needs to point out that the statements made by NACCAFWU are not accurate in all respects.”

While suppliers and manufacturers of seafood are no doubt commendably intent on doing well by doing good when it comes to the sustainability of what’s on offer, it is really consumer demand that’s putting greener fish in the chest freezers, according to the World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF), who have this to say: “"We are seeing consumers becoming more aware about what seafood they are willing to buy and where it comes from.”