The good folk at SPAR don’t mess around. It seems like only December 2013 (It was. Ed) that they announced they’d be heading north of the Cubango any day now, and here it’s only July and they’ve trundled into Angola, opening a 1,600m2 store in the province of Cabinda. (Don’t mention the war!) The store will feature a number of innovations, including full-service bakery, butchery and food-to-go, including the popular ‘Chicka Chicken’ offering, and will be supported by the Western Cape DC, which interestingly will be schlepping out some product from SPAR Portugal to serve the cosmopolitan tastes of that former basket case. And in the time-honoured tradition of those who succeed in Africa, SPAR are not going it alone but have brought Webcor, an importer of foodstuffs, along for the bumpy but scenic ride.

Comment: We mentioned the war once, but we think we got away with it.

Those Shoprite results you’ve been badgering us about. Here you go, then: turnover up 10.5% to R102biljoens, with stores Beyond Our Borders – now counting for about a fifth of turnover – up a whacking 26.3%. This would be the first time the Big Red One – or for that matter any retailer – has made it past that psychologically daunting R100billion mark, and this despite a rocky start to the year across the sector. Canny analysts are of the view that the achievement will give Shoprite additional swing with manufacturers and even greater advantage in the old economies of scale department. Centralised distribution, of which Shoprite was an early adopter, as well as an efficiently-run supply chain haven’t hurt either.

Comment: We look forward to the dry wit and bluff one-upmanship that generally accompanies the formal announcement of the results.

The Dapper One has taken creditable third place in the inaugural (and execrably-named) ‘Online Retail SITEisfaction in SA Survey’; conducted by online marketing research company, Columinate, with 63 points, behind Kalahari (76) and Yuppiechef (71). In fourth and fifth were Takealot and Groupon, respectively. See what Woolies did there? The only non-online contender in the rankings, and even more impressive since 64% of online purchases are made up on wants like travel, music, and books rather than on needs such as groceries and clothes. When shopping online, Columinate found, punters were after things like “convenience” and “saving time and money.”

Comment: Nice one Woolies. We really should speak to our secretary about getting one of these internet thingies one day.

There is a global shortage of dairy products, and this, combined with local economic conditions (the weak rand, presumably, being foremost among these) is driving up the price of milk. This according to the khaki-shorted men (and of course women) of the Milk Producers Association. The MPA are playing a refreshingly mischievous role here, with MD Etienne Terreblanche mentioning that a one rand increase on a litre of milk at the farm gate really shouldn’t mean a four rand increase on the shelf, and that while shortages of some products – like UHT, currently in short supply – might be experienced at the major retailers, you can always head down to the corner caffie for your fix.

Comment: The question of who makes what out of a litre and who gets out of bed earlier in order to achieve this has always been a bitter one for the farmers.

The Big Feller has sold its R7.6billion stake in Tsogo Sun, SA’s biggest hotel and gambling outfit, in order to focus on the core business of raking in the green stuff by shifting bucketloads of the amber stuff. Specifically on this grand old continent we like to call home, where SAB likes its prospects. Africa has a continental GDP of 5-6%, leaving plenty extra for the finer things in life, and a young population which has yet to borrow its older brother’s ID and head down to the tavern. On the downside, competition, like the charismatic megafauna for which the continent is known, abounds. So for example, when SAB heads to Nigeria, it’s up against the likes of Diageo, Heineken, and ahem, Castel.

Comment: Still, when you’re one of the big two in the world, and contemplating the prospects of a merger with Number One, the continent is pretty much your high-end mollusc.

The big fear last week was that better than expected retail trade sales would cause Mrs Doubtfire over at the Reserve Bank to get all “winter is coming” on us and raise the interest rate. And sure as all men must die, she did. Sales were up 2.4% year-on-year for May, after April’s more modest 2.1%, with economists gathering gloomily in their louse-ridden furs on the icy ramparts and predicting that nothing bigger than 0.8% could be expected this time around. General dealers, under which our own great industry falls, led the charge at 2.6%, followed by the textile, clothing, footwear and leather girls (and even boys). Household furniture and appliances and hardware, paint and glass declined though, giving perhaps a clearer picture of which canoe we’re actually in, and up which creek. And then Mrs D, like an exiled princess unleashing the dragons, upped the rate.

Comment: Thus imperfectly navigating the line between weak growth and rising inflation.

Under the impression, perhaps, that they were buying a beloved but stuffy breakfast cereal brand, Pepkor have just acquired New Zealand clothing retailer Postie Plus and its 64 stores, which join the 3,500-odd Mr Wiese’s other businesses has scattered about the globe.

And in other news pertaining the inexplicable appetite of great South African businesses for naff and underperforming Antipodean retailers, the Federal Court of Australia have approved Woolworth’s takeover of David Jones. Australian approval, we believe, is something akin to military intelligence.