More skulduggery on the high seas which wrack the blighted shores Down Under. It turns out – possibly – that “Red Solomon” Lew is not after a stake in David Jones at all. Well not for its own sake, anyway. Oho no. Cunning old Cap’n Lew is hoping to obtain an inconveniently large stake in Davey Jones so that in threatening to block the acquisition he might squeeze a better price out of Woolies for his Country Road shares. Red Solomon is reputedly asking for $16 Australian Doubloon per Country Road share – rather cheeky, since they’re currently going for $13.40 a head. Commodore Susman might have wished that he’d flogged them (the shares, that is) for the $5 Cap’n Lew was asking for those how many years ago. Nice for the smaller punter though – when the big boys are trading broadsides, the sharks enjoy a bloody harvest.

Comment: This is shaping up to be good, swashbuckling affair.

Pick n Pay, you will be pleased to know, has spent R800million on goods and services from black-owned companies in the last financial year, R370million of that from businesses owned by women. And some of them were assisted by The Big Blue’s very own business incubator programme, which provides mentorship to small suppliers, helping them manage industry demands and boning them up on buying and negotiation techniques. The Programme has been up and running for six years, although with inconstant success. Now, however, under Mr Brasher, it is apparently reinvigorated, with commitments from every region to buy from small suppliers, and for stores to make themselves more welcoming. The suppliers in question sell Pick n Pay a wide range of products right now – from produce to spices to toilet paper.

Comment: Commendable stuff.

A slow news week, unless you happen to be a major sub-Saharan economy. But more of that later. This is why we’re running a story about Tesco Bank launching a cheque account. Which is what they’ve done, apparently, in order to lure punters back into the stores after their worst quarterly decline in four decades, and also to take on such industry heavyweights as Lloyds, Barclays and the Royal Bank of Scotland, against all of whom they have been harbouring a secret grudge. The nifty thing about this account is that shoppers will be offered credit through their Clubcard membership. And Tesco has a certain advantage in this launch, viz. the 6million customers already banking with them through their Tesco Bank for credit cards, loans and savings products as well as the 16 million Brits already signed up for Clubcard. 

Comment: Nothing like a bit of vertical integration of the shopper’s wallet, we suppose. If you like that sort of thing.

“Premium chocolate is my small intimate frustration,” remarked no less a personage than Nestlé CE Mr Paul Bulcke last week, to no doubt startled shareholders. He was in his disarming fashion bemoaning Nestlé’s lack of penetration, shall we say, into the lucrative high-end chocolate market. You see while the sales of packaged goods have been sluggish since the Great Decession, goods which must regrettably be described as artisanal, natural, organic or in some other way exclusive have been positively leaping off the shelves. And Nestlé wants some of that sweet, sweet action, but isn’t getting any, as they’ve managed to do in coffee (to a point) with Nespresso. This has led some wily commentators to speculate on some sort of acquisition in the near future – a Lindt & Sprüngli, say, or a Ferrero.

Comment: While that 200g slab of Nestlé dark might have been enough to impress your girlfriend back in second year, today’s discerning millennials are wanting something a little cleverer and less edible.

The Big Feller has just hit a market capitalisation of a trillion ront South African, after a 5.58% surge in the share price last week. Why? You ask. Is it that we thirst more? Are our defences against the delicious bubbling amber stuff unusually low? Well, yes and no. We still love beer, to be sure. But there’s also the recent speculation about a possible merger between SABMiller and Anheuser-Busch InBev. Word on the street is that a syndicate of British and European bankers have been putting together a scheme to raise around $60bn of debt to fund an acquisition. However, the more responsible analysts believe that the numbers look a little stretched for an acquisition right now, and that the complexities of executing the deal would be daunting, so later rather than sooner, although it’s still reasonably likely.

Comment: Must we presume that the creation of such a behemoth is a good thing? Or rather, the recipe for the world’s worst hangover?

As everyone knows by now, both Standard & Poor’s and Fitch have downgraded our credit rating, the former to a BBB- and the latter to something ominous called a “negative watch”. Neither believe, quite frankly, that our economy is up to much, nor are its prospects that grand, pointing to the ongoing platinum strike and depressed consumer demand, and predicting that the government doesn’t have the mustard to undertake the necessary labour reforms and other economic improvements that would be conducive to growth. Fitch believe that GDP this year won’t get much over 1.7%, whereas the government are punting a more optimistic yet still underwhelming number of 2.7%. Interestingly, the dear old ZAR held relatively firm in the face of the news, which had been widely expected, sliding to a three-month low before rallying as gamely as a wilfully ignorant President.

Comment: The truth they say, will set us free. Perhaps this time it will.

Meanwhile in Zim, Shoprite’s 59 OK stores are coming up for a $16million overhaul in the face of stiffer retail competition, shelves with stuff on them not being enough anymore to attract the better class of shopper. Thought you’d want to know.